"You can't keep dancing with the devil, and wondering why you are still in hell" - Unknown
During one of my anxiety struck moments, I was looking for the Light when I suddenly became aware that I was standing in the shadow. I almost felt like I was looking at the devil, and it was almost funny - like watching a tiny bubble floating through the air and disappearing on your nose. Not sure about the connection yet - but bear with me on this.
I followed my thoughts, and realized that I was actually responding to doubts. Doubts without any basis. And by law of attraction, doubt is expecting that which I don't want. And that expectancy can create waterfall of events, that end up supporting the doubt-based thought. The doubt turns into fear, and next thing we know, we are on a mental marathon.
So here are few considerations to chew on for today - you may agree, disagree or add more to the basket. I am still chewing on them:
The devil invites through instigating fear based on doubts, manipulating the law of attraction by lowering our vibration. Doubts are often raised from earth-bound thinking, where physical manifestation is expected for believing in something. And it continues to invite with cookie crumbs, only that the cookie never comes in sight. We lose sight of the Source. We look away from the light, and start dancing with the shadow.
God invites us to focus on the path and direction instead of the crumbs. The difference in the two paths is focus on the instant, the immediate versus what is long term. If we focus on the cookie crumbs we may fall into the open well in front of us. Praying opens portal for angels to come in and make us look up just in time to prevent the fall. When we focus on the crumbs, we forget to look around. We forget to ask why we are after the cookie, and just run run run.
During my last yoga class, my instructor repeated asked us to find our balance, not only for yoga, but in all parts of our lives. Around the same time, I also came to learn about the Flower of Life.
The Flower of Life is a geometric pattern, created from thirteen different circles, intersecting at the middle to create a perfect flower. The number 13 is dynamic, ending in 3. It is prime, divisible only by itself. The number 13 therefore represents to me dynamic stability, one that stands on its own ground, and cannot be broken down, but retaining the flexibility to move as needed.
Flower of Life upholds the important life skill to center our souls and not be affected by different aspects of life, as represented by circles, yet being willing to bend with the wind. In everyday life we often get lost in the circles, and lose sight of the center.
Just as the petals converge to the center, the center diverges to the petals. Like there is no separation between the creator and the created. Perhaps, this is what Rumi meant by 'what you seek is seeking you'.
But this begs the question: is maintaining center the key to being balanced or a consequence of being balanced? Balancing the circles to maintain the center sounds intuitive. However, it does not leave space for allowance of chaos, and that we must. Trying to hold on to a given structure is unrealistic, and we must be humble to wind of change.
And what if it is not the center but the intention that is the key? The perfect amount of space created in between the circles to attain the right amount of tension? The breathing space. There is simultaneous separation and unity, with structure bonded by gravity of intentions.
Irrespective of the the view, it is empowering - the circles are us. It is also scary - the circles are us. Our life may just be fully our responsibility, with no one to blame.
I was once sitting in a traffic signal while I was a teenager, still living in Dhaka, Bangladesh. It is a common scenario to be approached by beggars or the flower girls at your car window, while you sit in your air-conditioned suede seats and complain about traffic.
On one evening, and only on that evening in my life to this date, a man in early to mid 20s approached the window of my car, offering roses for a price. Dirty white shirt, unkept hair and lack of nutrition was apparent all over his face, as was the case with all others who were selling flowers for five cents, hoping for one meal a day. But something caught me off guard as he spoke. As he spoke, this young man in dirty clothes, he spoke like a gentleman. His voice poised, his pronunciation flawless and his demeanor humble, yet direct. I looked up and noticed his face, to find absolute decency beaming from his soul, through eyes so earnest it cut my air-conditioned bubble like a knife.
He noticed my started look, as my voice shook, "No...". He stepped away and dropped his eyes. His chest was held high, like one determined to live with dignity that only comes from a dignified soul, irrespective of the appearance of his life. He walked towards the next car, offering his roses for a price. And for a brief moment his eyes shortly gazed back my way, at my still startled face. There was clear pain in his eyes - perhaps he felt vulnerable because I saw through, or may be it was through my arrogant prejudice that he saw through.
The beauty of this strange soul still haunts me today. I hope his dignity has been preserved, I hope his determination was not in vain. I hope his heart is light, may be we will meet again, in another life, at a different time, and there will be no price to be paid for roses.